Kelly sat in the front seat of the rental car with his dad on the drive home from the Colorado Springs car dealership late in the evening, about nine thirty pm. It was dark so he had not been able to see the rental car very well but it looked like a nice car to him, from what he could tell. It was a pretty good car, but not as good as the truck Kelly usually drove. His truck was a Chevy avalanche, diamond white and Kelly had just gotten home from the car wash earlier in the day, where he had spend almost two hours detailing his truck, paying particular attention to the chrome step ups and the chrome brush guard in the front.
He smiled to himself, thinking " yeah, I DO have a bad ass truck!" It was the one thing he loved at the moment.
The truck had been a gift from his dad, on his birthday in July. Kelly loved the truck but he still did not feel particularly loving toward his dad. The truck was a good..no a GREAT gift, but Kelly just did not feel that loving these days. It wasn't what his dad did that made him feel distant and mad necessarily. Kelly was not even sure why he felt angry a lot but he just did.
Kelly leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. He had felt vaguely bored on the ninety minute drive with his dad, even though his dad was helping him out by taking his new truck to a dealership after the engine light had come on. Kelly did not know much about truck mechanics but his dad did, and had not wanted to risk driving the truck in the mountains until they had gotten it looked at by a mechanic. The closest mechanic that had a Chevy dealership was far away from the little mountain town they lived in, so Kelly had driven with his dad to drop it off the night before they were to go skiing as a family. His dad did not want to get stuck on the ski slopes with a truck that needed a tow.
As Kelly started to go to sleep, he heard his dads voice in the background, "Kelly, are you going to go to sleep?" "Why don't you and I talk about stuff, we hardly ever get a chance to talk just you and I." Kelly opened one eye and looked sideways at his dad, in a detached almost analytical way.
Kelly had been surprised when they first got in the car because his dad had put on alternative rock on the radio station as they started driving. He knew his dad was trying to relate to him by not playing his normal "go to sleep elevator music" and even though Kelly had noticed, he had not expressed gratitude and had not said anything at all because he just did not care that much. It was a better station than what he normally played, but it still was not the station Kelly liked so it still was not good enough.

Kelly felt justifiably rebellious. Something inside him made him keep shutting his dad out. He felt slightly guilty doing it but at the same time he justified it in his head thinking " He is not my real dad anyway." Kelly was an adopted child.
Kelly thought about his real dad, something he liked doing much better than talking to this other man trying to be his dad,  His REAL dad was someone he had idolized, a man who was always having animated discussions with Kelly about politics, or who was cracking jokes.  His REAL dad was tall and had an athletes body and a smile that could light up anyone's world  and Kelly tried every day to be just like his real dad, working out and being interested in other people, just like his dad always had. People who knew his real dad had told Kelly he reminded them of his dad and he liked that a lot. Kelly was also tall and had magnificent runners legs and an athletic build, blond wavy hair and a fantastic smile, that is whenever he chose to flash his toothy white smile; mostly these days that smile was hidden..
His parents growing up had been very careful with Kelly and the rest of the kids, making sure they ate wholesome foods like oatmeal and apples, and kept the them away from things like soda and coffee and medications. His dad had encouraged Kelly to run, to play sports, draw pictures and to dream HUGE dreams. But that was before the plane crash...
Kelly was devastated by the crash, After it happened,Kelly had tried to let his mom take the place of his dad in his life. He so desperately missed and needed this interaction, but his mom was nothing like his dad. His mom was very religious, not that his dad had NOT been religious, it was just that his dad's type of religious allowed him to like, even LOVE people who were different than him.

Kelly respected that type of religious. His mom used her religion to lecture and criticize Kelly, and with each bitter word, Kelly felt more and more distance from her.
Kelly often had wondered if his mom even liked him at all. She spent all her time telling him how messy his room was, how disgusting his hair looked and how bad his clothing choices and friend choices were. He had tried to please her but it just could not be done. When she threw away his favorite jeans and told Kelly he could no longer see his girlfriend, he ran away from home, to go live with his girlfriends parents. That was when he was thirteen. He was sixteen now and his life was so different.
The courts had put him in foster care and he had ended up with a new family after a few years of turmoil. It was a "happy" ending for Kelly, because he had parents who cared and two sisters who tried to be friends with Kelly.

But Kelly still felt raw inside. He found himself flaring up in anger whenever he was put in a stressful situation. He worked to control his angry feelings but sometimes they just spilled out. And when they did, it was never a good thing.  The courts had ordered a counselor for Kelly but he laughed to himself about the things the counselor said. That was another person who Kelly knew was trying to help but he just could not bring himself to trust the man. So he talked, but when he talked, he always kept a part of himself secret, never sharing the real things he wanted to share. The only person he had felt close enough to talk to about the secret things, since his dads plane crash  had been his girlfriend.

But she was not in the picture any more, and he missed her almost as much as he missed his dad. He felt like God was not really listening to him these days because God had taken away the two people he loved the most. His dad in a plane crash, and his girlfriend in a long distance move with her family away from Kelly. Kelly had shut himself inside after that and no counselor would ever understand how hurt inside Kelly felt. He closed his eyes again, he just did not want to talk to his dad.
He knew his new parents wanted to help him be a part of their world and he knew their relationship efforts were much healthier than the behaviors of his real mom. But months had gone by and Kelly still held on to his memories and rejected the present, keeping himself in a self induced, self nurturing, ambivalent state of rock music, working out and friends; anything that would keep him away and emotionally distant from his new family.

He felt himself doze off and suddenly awakened when he heard his new dad cursing softly under his breath. "Shit, I think I just got a speeding ticket." Kelly did not even sit up. "That's his stupid fault," he thought to himself. He did not feel very sympathetic. His dad was always lecturing him about speeding and texting, and now here he was getting a ticket.

Kelly did not like policemen either though because they reminded him of everything bad in his recent history, so he kept his head turned away and his eyes closed. He did not even budge or look up as the police man peered into the car. But the police man was not deterred.
"Who is your passenger?" he asked.  Oh, that is my son Kelly, his dad said, we are in a rental car on our way home from Colorado springs. I am sorry I was going too fast, I do not normally speed but I am not used to this new car." Kelly did not say anything to comment or to agree with his dad out loud because he thought to himself that the excuse sounded totally lame even though it was true that his dad rarely drove too fast.
"Can you show me your ID?" asked the cop. Kelly thought of cops as police men when they were being polite and cops when they were being hostile. The question immediately made Kelly feel hostile towards the cop as well. Here he was sitting in the car doing nothing wrong and he as targeted..as it always seemed to happen. It was NOT fair
As he rummaged for his drivers license he wondered if it was required to have a license as a passenger. He found it and handed it over to the cop without looking at his face. "Kelly, you are going to have to come with me I think," said the cop. I see a protection order on the computer and it says you are not supposed to be in contact with your dad."
"Wait" said his dad, "that is a mistake. My son did go to court for criminal mischief, and there WAS a court ordered protection order but it was revised, because I am his dad and he is living in our home." "The court protection order is against both of you," said the cop, and if I cannot find anything to prove the revision, You are going to have to come with me."
Kelley’s eyes got big with fright. He looked pleadingly at his dad. Then he looked directly at the cop and started to try to talk but his dad interrupted him, saying that Kelly needed to be respectful of the cop and not ask questions.

Kelly ignored his dad, and was annoyed because as always his dad assumed he was going to be stupid and Kelly was not stupid. He continued to talk to the cop because he was not going to ask a question but was going to give information. He said "I have a piece of paper somewhere at home in my backpack that says I can be around my dad, but I just do not have it with me."
"Well, if I can't find the changed order, it is going to be bad because that means you are violating your orders and you will have to go with me," said the cop as he shined a flashlight in their eyes so they could not see his expression. He walked away carrying the two ID's and as he left Kelly could feel his heart starting to pound like it was going to explode out of his chest. He was terrified. The last time he had gone with a cop he had been detained in a holding cell overnight and he had decided at that moment he was NEVER going back. He had kept all the rules of his probation, not drinking, no drugs, not fighting, and it did not do any good. He was about to get put right back for just being in the car with his dad.
He turned to his dad and was fighting a choking feeling in his throat, fighting back tears as he said, “Dad, I am NOT going back there. I am NOT going back. If that cop comes back here and tries to take me I am going to run out of this car and he can shoot me if he wants I don't care I am NOT going back.”

Kelly had abided by all the rules and avoided fighting with his dad since his latest escapade and was able to keep the peace in his family by simply not talking not arguing, not stating any of his opinions.

His dad had instigated the fight that got Kelly charged with criminal mischief and probation so Kelly had learned to be silent. During the fight he had with his dad, in his defense, Kelly had tried to leave and walk away like the counselor had told him to do, but his dad had forcibly held him down so he could not leave and this mistake on the part of his dad had been the trigger that unleashed the anger and frustration Kelly felt inside as he tried to take on his dad. It was a losing attempt because his dad was much bigger than he and the whole episode ended in a charge of criminal mischief and probation because Kelly never told anyone how his dad had held him down.. Kelly was going to counseling now as a part of the courts attempt to help him get back on track, but the meetings were voluntary because the counselor had said Kelly did not have to go unless he wanted to.
Kelly did not know if the counselor was helping him at all but he did like the guy so he was still going to counseling sessions once a week as well as meeting with his probation officer once every two months. The probation officer was another guy who did not really understand Kelly but who seemed interested in helping. His probation officer had warned that if he ever got pulled over by the police, they may need to contact the probation officer regarding the protection order and he had advised Kelly to keep his phone number handy. Kelly searched for his phone, as his probation officers phone number was on his phone. Somehow during his sleep, the phone had fallen off his lap and was no where to be found.

His dad helped him frantically look for the phone. When it could not be found his dad called the house and asked his two sisters to start looking in Kelly's room for the piece of paper that included the specifics of the probation from the court. Kelly could hear his sisters voices through the phone as his dad tried to calmly explain the urgency of the situation His dad handed him the phone so he could tell his sisters where to look. As he listened to his sisters concerned little voices, he suddenly felt grateful for them and how they were wanting to help him and were looking through his back pack trying to find his paperwork. He couldn't resist telling them to hurry, though, as he looked behind at the blinking blue light of the police car, hoping the officer would take a long time to come back so his sisters would have time to find what he needed.

Kelly started to feel panicky, like he could not breathe. He remembered feeling this way before, it was how he felt being in the holding cell overnight and he did not think he could do that again. He felt overwhelmed. He crouched down in his seat poised like a wild animal, ready to spring into action, if he needed to, out of the door, out of the car, away from the police and away into the cold dark snowy mountains. In his mind the only option he had was to run away..run and hide.

He even visualized himself running in the snow, in his head and had a flash of sadness as he thought about possibly getting shot at. He did not deserve to die but he was, at least, gonna be in control of what happened to him the next five minutes. No one was gonna take him anywhere.

Fortunately for him, Kelly’s dad had a flash of inspiration the same time Kelly had his flash of sadness. His dad sensed his fear and at the exact right moment, he did exactly what Kelly's first dad would have done in the same situation if he were alive right then. He leaned towards Kelly with a slow calm, purposeful but soft look and locked eyes with his son, putting his warm hand over Kelly’s hand, squeezing it and saying, “its OK Kelly, I will not let you go back to jail. You have not done anything wrong. I know things look bad right now but I am going to be optimistic. Remember Kelly, the truth will set you free.”

The two second moment was timeless, magical, and it broke the choke hold of fear on Kelly, on the situation, on all the forgettable past. Kelly felt released in that touch, felt loved, accepted and protected. He knew his dad could not actually keep him out of jail if the officer decided to take him in but at that moment it was not even relevant anymore to Kelly. What he saw, what he felt, what he KNEW for the first time was that his adopting dad cared. REALLY cared. And it was the 'medicine' that Kelly needed to heal his broken heart.

Kelly relaxed in his seat. He was no longer afraid. He was not even angry or hostile towards the officer any more. That was what surprised him the most. Kelly suddenly realized in that magical moment, that his anger, his hostility, his fear, only held HIM in a prison. His own personal prison where no one had been able to reach him. His release from THIS prison only required that he open a door, the door of his thought, just a crack, and the whole world of Love was ready to flood in and warm him, refresh him, release him from his suffering. It was an awakening moment.

Kelly smiled inside his mind and when the officer returned, shining a flashlight in their faces, he did not get angry, and when he offered them back their two drivers licenses, apologizing and telling his dad he had found the change orders from the court and that he would only give a warning ticket, it was not a surprise to Kelly. A peace bond between Kelly and his dad had been forged.

Kelly and his dad made the uneventful remainder of the drive home, maintaining safe speeds and quiet conversation. They looked the same when they arrived home, as if nothing had changed. But they both knew, Kelly had finally adopted his new dad and they were a family now. Kelly walked inside,took off his iPod headphones and went instead into the family room, sat down beside his new sister and started watching TV.